WELL HEART: 10 Ways To Connect With Your Kid In Under 10 Minutes
By Rebecca A.
You may have heard the saying ‘there’s no such thing as a naughty kid’ – and the truth is, when a kid feels connected to their parents, when they feel listened to, supported, loved and safe, the levels of misbehavior go right down, and cooperation levels go right up.
Connection is the single best preventative measure that we can take to limit poor behavior in our kids. It doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours with your child; you can easily incorporate small actions throughout your day that will help you child re-connect with you, and be more willing to cooperate when you need them to.
1. Put the phone away in a different room when you are doing an activity with them. It doesn’t matter if you are playing with them or reading a book, or whether they are helping you do daily chores. It will help you focus and be present with them so they feel noticed.
2. Wrestle or play fight – when my son begins acting out (such as fighting with his siblings or becoming possessive of toys) I know he’s feeling disconnected from me. I take him to my bed, and wrestle him, throw pillows at him, flip him and tickle him. Within 5 minutes he is a different kid, laughing and full of love, and can go back to a more happy existence with his siblings.
3. Whisper sweet nothings to them – randomly call your child over to you saying you have something ‘really important’ to tell them. Then whisper ‘I love you’ to them. This works well for kids when they are happy or grumpy. My kids always respond to my ‘come here, I’ve got something important to tell you’ request with ‘we know, you love us’, but they still come over just to hear those sweet words.
4. Make a special secret sign that means ‘I love you’. In our house, I put my closed fist over my heart and look directly at the child. I do this from a distance when I know that one of my kids needs a word of affirmation or connection.
5. Leave a surprise note or drawing for your child in their snackbox, under their pillow, or on the bathroom mirror.
6. Tell them the story of when they were born while cuddling on the sofa - obviously if it was a negative experience for you, reframe this story into a positive one, it will have benefits for you and your child.
7. Read a funny book where you can incorporate entertaining voices and use physical affection to enhance the experience.
8. Connect before doing a new activity - kids often need a bit of connection before changing from one activity to the next. Get down on their level, put your hand on their shoulder, make eye contact, get their attention before you speak. Speak some verbal words of affirmation while you are doing it.
9. Embrace emotion. In the midst of the tears and tantrums, it’s easier to walk away and let them deal with the emotions themselves. But to build connection, don’t leave them. Instead, try and embrace them if they will let you, and hold them until they calm down. If they won’t let you touch them, stay close by and tell them you will stay until they are ready for a hug.
10. Aim for 12 hugs (or physical affection) a day. It seems like a lot but try it!
Start incorporating some of this techniques into your every day life, and see what happens! What are some of your favourite ways of connecting with your kids?
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